Yin Yang in Love and Relationships
📘 In a book that caused a furore in the world: "Men come from Mars, women from Venus", the author tries to explain the notable differences that exist between the specific character of the male versus the specific character of the female.
The author, John Gray uses a kind of starting allegory.
🔭 One day the men living on Mars saw through the telescope the women living on Venus. They united and inhabited the Earth. From one day to the next they had forgotten that they came from different planets and had a difficult relationship. On Mars men cultivated a value system based on 4 main principles of life:
On Venus women cultivated a value system based on 4 main principles of life:
- Quality human relations
Everyone believed that the only way to live and love had to be based on HIS perception of the 4 great principles of life without which this life no longer had any meaning.
1) Yin and Yang Principles
☯ But before defining what is a man or a woman, let us define what is the Yang energy (male principle) and what is the Yin energy (female principle) which in my opinion define with much more precision the male principle and the female principle, to be distinguished from the male sex and the female sex.
This distinction is extremely important if we want to understand each other for the future. An individual of male sex has in him a significant part of female principle and conversely an individual of female sex has in him a significant part of male principle.
This part varies considerably from one individual to another and has nothing to do with occupation, profession, physical appearance, mannerism or homosexuality. The Spirit who inhabits each individual is not sexed, he is not male or female, but has a male or female valence and can adopt an existence in which he will exercise an activity more Yin than Yang or more Yang than Yin.
A. Yang Principle - Male
Let's imagine a trip.
♂️ It is a guiding principle that controls the direction to be taken, that determines the path or paths to be taken, it determines with more or less precision the choices to be made so that the final goal of destiny is fulfilled. The Yang vibration is directive, it has only one goal: The goal. Along the way, the individual (male or female) uses Yang energy to break down obstacles, clarify obscure points and make the journey complete.
He makes all the decisions necessary to reach the final goal, against all odds. He is therefore a warrior, a provider of energy and resources, he is in the lead and nothing distracts him from his objective, his gaze being directed far away, without stopping at anything else. He is an energy of leadership in the determination of objectives.
Once again I insist: as much a woman as a man can release Yang energy. In general, however, it must be recognized that men, by their intrinsic nature inherited from the animal world, have more Yang energy than women and use it more often. Conversely, it must also be recognized that women have by their intrinsic nature more Yin energy than men and use it more often.
Within the couple, we will also see man and woman alternating at this level according to the type of decisions to be taken when the couple is concerned: home, children, work, leisure, etc....
B. Yin Principle - Female
♀️ It is a principle that sees to the organization of the travel arrangements so that no unpleasant surprises occur and to the quality of the route, the stops and the basic needs of the passengers. Along the way, the individual sees to everything, down to the smallest details and is not concerned with choice, but with its quality.
He arranges and organizes, prepares, concocts and shows extreme meticulousness. He makes all decisions regarding the well-being, comfort, and preventive safety of travelers. If the Yin principle considers that Yang choices put the comfort or safety of passengers at risk, it is its role to confront the Yang with its choices. It is a leader's energy in organizing the means to achieve this.
2) Yin Yang Relationships
The major conflict between these two energies does not come from their nature or what constitutes it, but from the filthy and pathetic ignorance of one in relation to the other and hence the unacceptable lack of respect by one for the values of the other.
⚔️ Conflicts between men and women only come from there: some know little about each other, do not want to know more about each other and do not respect the differences that are so obvious before their eyes. If sexual attraction was not there to force them to lie in the same bed, each group would have stayed on their own planet, to use Grey's allegory.
It is only among men and women of the so-called human species that these relationships are so deviant. In nature, in general, evolved animals such as wolves, elephants, hominids and cetaceans have a very well defined Yin Yang relationship that is respected by both males and females.
There are minor conflicts but nothing comparable to those observed in humans. As an example the wolf and its she-wolf are in couple for life, raise their young together, hunt together, sleep together and never have arguments, do not divorce, do not make mistakes and when they are the dominant couple, it is together that they are, named besides the Alpha couple of the pack 🐺.
The male bird that leaves the nest to fetch twigs obeys the Yang principle. The female bird that builds the nest with these same twigs obeys the Yin principle. As a general rule the Yin knows who can become its Yang aspect, and will take great care in determining it. The Yang does not attach as much importance to who will be its Yin, its objective being to reach a goal and not how.
In nature it is the female who chooses the male. And in spite of the apparent success of our young cocks of the weekend in goguettes in the bars it is there also, the same principle which applies. A Yin always knows who will be her Yang but rarely the opposite because it is the Yang that undergoes the analysis and not the Yin despite all the male illusions of being the conqueror ! Sorry gentlemen !
At work, the boss is usually Yang and his assistants are Yin, in the army it is the strategic officers of the General Staff who are Yang, while the officers in the field are Yin. In sales, the salesman is Yang, the customer is Yin. In an automobile, the engine is Yang, the transmission is Yin. In a rocket, the propulsion and guidance system is Yang, the on-board computers that control everything are Yin and in a way the crew.
☯ In a Yin and Yang relationship it is essential to exchange vibrations from time to time, to make the Yin of the Yang and the Yang of the Yin blossom. A very male male who refuses to play this role and rolls his shoulders while moaning that he is not a fag is then only a big macho beast and nasty and on the contrary a very female who refuses this role while swinging her hips like a bell is a rather insipid midget.
3) Meaning of Yin Yang in Relationship
Male or female, you have a very clear vision in front of a project and you feel that the direction to take is in that direction. You then play your role of Yang. If this is very often the case, there is a strong chance that you are a male for whom I repeat, the Yang vibration is naturally in abundance just like testosterone, to tell the truth. So let's say that for the form, you are then the male.
Your partner appreciates everything, evaluates your vision and the direction to take. We move on here to the most delicate aspect of the role of Yin energy, which I call the kick on the tire. The Yin vibration considers all the visions and directions of Yang to be evaluated.
Note, this is very important, that love, affection, tenderness and even less sex have nothing to do with what follows. The Yin vibration is to ensure the couple's back, to go for a guarantee in short that the vision and the direction are compatible with the couple's interests.
It will therefore test the resolution of the male, test his determination and if necessary confront him to his last trenches in order to give a passing grade or not to the credibility of the "work" of Yang.
It is not because the guy is Yang that he is always right. He can screw up royally and it's up to Yin to test him, to confront him if necessary. Conversely, it is not because the girl is Yin that she is right to doubt, she too can fail and have no valid counter-argument.
👩❤️👨 In general, in a harmonious couple, the Yin very quickly evaluates the vision and the direction and gives her immediate or almost immediate agreement. If this happens very rarely in your couple then it is not in harmony, it is even deeply unbalanced and doomed to failure sooner or later if nothing is done to restore the balance of Yin and Yang energies. An accumulation of War of the Roses style conflicts never ends well.
Once the Yang's decision has been approved by the Yin vibration, the Yin vibration moves on to the second stage of its role. Yes, unlike Yang, Yin vibration is more a matter of running at a slow pace but in the long run. No big jobs, no big elk, no big loads, but a sustained pace, maintained over a very long distance to the destination. Constant and meticulous maintenance !
The Yang has to listen, to look at the reflection of his vision in his mirror which is the Yin. Indeed, in a harmonious couple always, the vibration Yin reflects the decision Yang. Think of it as the moon and the sun. The latter can see the reflection of its light only if it is reflected on a celestial body, in this case a moon or a planet 🌔.
This is the only way for him to know if he is on the right path. If he thinks he is, he stays on course and the Yin goes away. It will have to re-evaluate and if there are still other objections it will come back, the Yang will listen again and correct the course if necessary.
The Yang is more directive than the Yin, but it is not more chief than the Yin. The engine without transmission runs at full speed but does not apply any propulsion to the axles.
An impeccable and well-oiled transmission is of no use without propulsion.
Very few men understand the Yin, very few women appreciate the Yang.
The male principle is a very delicate mechanism, sensitive and easy to destabilize despite all the stupid things that have been said about the "strong sex". The feminine principle is equally delicate, sensitive and easy to destabilize, which however does not make it a "weaker sex" at all 🙅.
Yin vs Yang in Relationships
What follows does not determine a man versus a woman, but the male principle versus the female principle.
- The male principle is evaluated on the basis of his or her effectiveness in succeeding.The male principle is evaluated on the basis of the quality of his or her relationships with others.
- It refuses any advice that is imposed on it "like a Yang" since this calls into question its effectiveness. She accepts advice because it strengthens her bonds.
- But he accepts some advice if his status as a successful person is not threatened. She gives advice out of love and never as a lesson.
- ❤ To express his love, tenderness, and caring, he gives all kinds of advice to the person in his life. When he is unhappy, he wants to say it, not hear it.
- When his vision is disturbed, his destination is inaccessible, in short, when things really go wrong, he isolates himself and he matures. Because he appreciates human relationships, he exchanges with others when things go wrong.
- He tries to solve his problems by working on them in silence. The woman tries to solve her problems simply by talking about them.
- The above is, moreover, what differentiates the two principles the most, visibly, and a very lively misunderstanding arises between the two. The silent one considers talking about it as chatter or verbiage without any use, while the one who speaks considers silence as stubbornness, obstinacy or misplaced pride.
- He likes to talk about the solutions he has found to his problem, but very little about it. She likes to talk about her problems in order to exorcise them.
- If he wants to love and be loved he must learn to listen with 100% attention and not interpret criticism or complaints as a lack of love. If she wants to love and be loved she must learn to respect her isolation and not interpret it as a lack of love.
- He is happy when he is needed. She is happy when she is loved.
- The male principle dies slowly if he feels useless. The female principle dies slowly if she is not loved.
- It must feel that it is useful without having to demonstrate it. It must feel that it is loved without having to ask for it.
- 😱 His greatest fear is to be incompetent or perceived as such. His greatest fear is to no longer be loved.
- Her biggest mistake is not to listen to avoid this feeling. Her biggest mistake is not to feel loved because the man does not listen.
- He tries to rationalize and de-dramatize the problems of the person in his life, as he does for himself. In this way he believes he is doing him a favor. He does not hesitate to dramatize and make his emotional situation more dramatic, because he is experiencing feelings and wants to express them, to exorcise them, whether they are exaggerated or not.
- When she acts like this, he is afraid, imagines the worst, feels incompetent and isolates himself. When he isolates himself, she thinks he is running away from her, imagines the worst because she does not feel loved.
- Again, when he isolates himself, he wants to be alone and does not speak, he thinks and feels good about it. When he does this, she wants to penetrate his isolation and gets hurt.
4) Yin Yang Goes Even Further
What Yin Yang teaches goes much further as it defines the feminine character of man and the masculine character of woman but also the transfer of Yang power and Yin power independently of the sexes.
As said rather, when we look at the exact definition of the Yang principle, we identify it with the male principle, therefore with the man. And vice versa for the woman. So we deduce that men are Yang 24 hours a day and women are Yin 24 hours a day 🕜. This conception, typically western by the way, is false.
It is true that fundamentally Yang energy is mostly carried by the male and Yin energy by the female, but in many circumstances and on many occasions, even in a single day, an individual may be called upon to emit Yin energy, then Yang, Yin, Yang and so on.
This type of energy is not reserved for couples as already said: soldiers in the field workers and their relationships with their superiors, their employees, with each other, with their customers their suppliers etc...
In a negotiation between people seeking to defend each other's interests, it is often the more Yang of the two that wins since the male vibration is more that of the conqueror than of the defendant, but that said, a woman could very well win this game as much as a man if she knows how to master her Yang vibration.
The couple's condition to return to it also plays at this level. The income of one in relation to the other, the importance of the career of one in relation to the other, the fact that one works and the other does not, all this can play in the Yin Yang relationship.
👱♀️ Thus a woman who earns a higher income and occupies a prestigious position compared to her husband who generates only 20 or 30% of the family income can modify the Yin-Yang balance at the decision-making level. If this modification is however well experienced by both, then the balance is safe.
There are men, as male as it is possible to be, who are driven by a Yin principle. There are women, as feminine as it is possible to be, who are moved by a Yang principle. In other words, whether you are male or female does not always determine whether you are Yang or Yin and when you are.
Some Yin type conditions will require a Yang attitude and vice versa, for example the question of motherhood which is typically Yin can be wanted and proposed as a couple project by the woman who then activates her Yang vibration do you understand ?
The man will then have to assume his Yin position and test the resolution, the determination and if necessary confront the Yang decision of his partner.
On the other hand, once arrived at destination, at birth, it is quite possible that the woman will regain her Yin energy at the time of what we can call nesting, i.e. the care of the baby at home (maternity leave for example).
All this to understand that being a man or a woman is never a condition in the absolute. A man can therefore sometimes have a feminine type of behavior and conversely a woman can occasionally have a masculine type of behavior and all this without affecting their masculinity or femininity in the broadest sense of the term.
☯ But in fact it should not be said that they can have this behavior. It is essential to exchange energies as diametrically opposed as Yin and Yang and as often as possible. Yin and Yang energies are everywhere in the Universe, hot, cold, light, darkness, dense and subtle, white and black, good and evil, serenity and fear etc..
Read next: What is Bagua ? The Bagua symbol is probably one of the best known Feng Shui terms in the West and certainly the one with the most amazing ideas ! Let's discover in this article everything you need to know about Bagua...